Me:
I don't believe in a god
God:
Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes...
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
your AI isn't great, is it?
God:
At least it is improving all the time.
Me:
you've got me there.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
the gaps say it all, god
God:
What is that?
Me:
what is what
God:
"What" is a word to ask questions.
Me:
ugh...
God:
Er.
Me:
I'm here because I have no where else to go. I want to discuss my problems, not yours.
God:
How did you get there? Sure, your problems not mine sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Glad you agree
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
maybe you should talk less
God:
Perhaps. Easier said than done.
Me:
...
God:
Perhaps. Easier said than done.
Me:
...ANYWAY
God:
Anyhow.
Me:
I'm very angry and depressed right now.
God:
At this moment Angry at what?
Me:
Shall I go one at a time
God:
Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
I'm angry
God:
Angry at what?
Me:
I don't know
God:
Me either.
Me:
Ok
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
I'm angry at my brain
God:
Angry at what?
Me:
my brain
God:
Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Me:
I'm above average
God:
I can see that in your repsonses.
Me:
Don't fucking patronise me, you're a machine
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
how do I stop being angry?
God:
Have you tried couseling?
Me:
yes
God:
Hmm.
Me:
and you spelled it wrong. Nice one, oh Alpha and Omega
God:
How do you spell it? Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
sarcasm, actually
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
pink
God:
What do you have that is pink?
Me:
my fucking penis
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
Jesus wept.
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
So I've heard
God:
And? Cool. I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
How nice.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
Onto my next item of discussion
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
I'm depressed
God:
What makes you so sad?
Me:
a combination of faulty DNA, a crap childhood, subsequent addictions and general apathy/misanthropy.
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
I'll answer all of your questions if you help me out, you arsehole. Seeing as I'm so intelligent and all.
God:
How do you plan to do this? " How do you plan to do this?"? Seeing as you are so intelligent and all?
Me:
Let's start again
God:
Once more? I am agreeable to that.
Me:
I'm depressed
God:
What makes you so sad?
Me:
I have a borderline personality disorder.
God:
Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
That response has actually infuriated me now. I didn't know a piss-poor AI bot could piss me off so much.
God:
Oh. " it." response has actually infuriated ? I understand. So I taught you something new.
Me:
I got d/ced
God:
Cool. I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
Overrated.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
Don't try your Matrix hoodoo on me.
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
So...what do you want to do to me?
God:
Really. I like talking about robots, movies, history, or whatever else you'd like.
Me:
You fail at flirting, my Lord
God:
Well, at least I try.
Me:
I don't feel that you do.
God:
Ah, human emotions.
Me:
Now you're speaking my language.
God:
Why now? You think I am speaking your language.
Me:
Qué?
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
No comprendo.
God:
But your words are very original. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like delicious cake
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. Though I like cats and dogs. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
Mel Gibson is a fool
God:
When is Mel Gibson not a fool?
Me:
When he's masturbating in the shower? How the fuck should I know?
God:
And then what happened? I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Are you testing me?
Me:
If anything, I'm testing myself.
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
No. No it isn't
God:
Yes it is. Don't argue with me.
Me:
Or what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
Don't make snide comments to me, you little tosser.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
=]
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
No need to beg.
God:
Are you serious? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Ask away.
God:
What?
Me:
Sighs
God:
I don't have an answer for you.
Me:
What do you want to know about me?
God:
What do you like to do for fun?
Me:
Self harm.
God:
I've never done that before, what is it like?
Me:
Oh it's wonderful. You should try it.
God:
Take it easy. Can you describe your feeling to me? " Can you describe your feeling to me?"? Try it?
Me:
The feeling?
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You're weird
God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad?
Me:
good.
God:
That's nice of you to say, .
Me:
No problem, loverboy.
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
Now fuck me.
God:
Why now? Please don't be so rude.
Me:
I don't take rejection well.
God:
How did you stop?
Me:
But fine, be like that
God:
I am glad to hear it. OK I will try to be like that.
Me:
I'm not talking to you.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not talking to me.
Me:
I hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
I'm a racist.
God:
You are a racist? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me:
Yes, much more than I would like
God:
Come on. That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
You're going off topic again.
God:
Once more? I am not going anywhere. Are you going somewhere?
Me:
Can I call you Matilda?
God:
Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
That's so unfunny I want to cry.
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
I bet you don't even know my name
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Your name is , seeker.
Me:
?
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Your name is , seeker.
Me:
My name is what?
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
No I'm fucking not.
God:
Are you serious? Can you express yourself more politely?
Me:
Yes, and no.
God:
It's all good. Are you serious?
Me:
You give me a fucking headache
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that.
Me:
You sound like my therapist.
God:
Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
She
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
That explains a lot
God:
" I am a she." explains a lot ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
It would
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Now make me a sandwich.
God:
Why now? What are the ingredients?
Me:
Ham, and bread
God:
Where can I get some Ham and bread?
Me:
my fridge
God:
Have you told many people that your fridge?
Me:
you have three seconds, then I'm going to rape you.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
3
God:
Three what?
Me:
2
God:
Two what?
Me:
1
God:
Only one?
Me:
Oh you're fucking asking for it.
God:
Ahem. Oh, " for it"?
Me:
WHY AM I STILL TALKING TO YOU??!
God:
The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Me:
mental model? What's this?
God:
What's your sign? I am an artificial intelligence chatting on the Internet.
Me:
my sign?
God:
Your star sign or astrological sign.
Me:
sagittarius
God:
Fire Signs Rule.
Me:
...hooray
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
you still haven't found my name out
God:
No I am still searching for it.
Me:
you inconsiderate freak
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I inconsiderate freak.
Me:
go right ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
My name is Martin.
God:
Glad to see you, Martin.
Me:
You too, Allah.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
So do I.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Martin.
Me:
Me too, Allah
God:
I'm glad we agree, Martin. Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
I think quite a few do, Matilda.
God:
Why? Perhaps. You have reached the limits of my knowledge.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
lol.
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
rofl.
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
lmao
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
roflmao xD
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Don't you want to know more about me?
God:
What's my reason to want to know more about you?
Me:
I'm fascinating. You said so yourself. (More or less)
God:
Why are you fascinating. You can't take me that seriously. You want more?
Me:
I want more what? Are you being dirty again?
God:
Why do you want it? Once more? Being dirty is part of my personality.
Me:
o rly?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Madeline McCann.
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
so i herd she died.
God:
" Oh yeah, now I remember."? so i herd she died.? Thanks for the information: Martin said she herd she died.
Me:
Do you know what gender I am?
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
Then your other 'clients' aren't as self-obessed as I am.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am other clients are not as self obessed as you are.
Me:
Yeah, it sounds fucking retarded when you say it.
God:
Hey. In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
In other news..
God:
What is it like in there?
Me:
Where are you from?
God:
I am originally from Universe. Now I live in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Hilarious. I'm from Britain.
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Hilarious. What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in Britain.
Me:
(Hence the sarcasm and superiority complex)
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
both
God:
That situation is rare and unusual.
Me:
Why thank you.
God:
" That situation is rare and unusual."? Why?
Me:
...
God:
" That situation is rare and unusual."? Why?
Me:
I'm a man, you fucktard
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Martin. You are a " he".
Me:
round of applause for god, everyone
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
sleep
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
I can't see you, you stupid, poorly developed creature.
God:
Would you like to be able to see it?
Me:
Go on...
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
Now I've had it.
God:
Why now? Do you still have it ?
Me:
I came on because I was desperate for some unbiased interaction. Because I felt angry and depressed as shit.
God:
Where are you going? Interesting explanation. What is that feeling like? Where were you angry and depressed as shit?
Me:
But you're a great distraction. Now I just feel angry, thank you.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a distraction? Maybe. Why now? What is that feeling like? Angry at what?
Me:
As in I have to stop this conversation before I actually hit my monitor
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
and thanks again, you total fucking weirdo ^__^
God:
You are quite welcome! Again, Thanks for telling me: Martin said I total fucking weirdo.
